As I continue to read and think about curriculum and how it relates to gifted students I continue to go round and round in my head. First, I agree that curriculum is important, but reading through the textbook and some of other readings we have been provided, one is left to wonder who these people are talking to. I just cannot fathom that anyone has the time to think about curriculum as much as these readings imply. Of course, I can tell the difference in my own room when I have fully thought through something than when it was more on a whim. For example, the literature circles I am running right now seem to me to be ineffective because I don’t feel I put the time into thinking through exactly what I wanted to achieve. This also left me with little or no assessment for them. Really, I am mad at myself about this because I feel like I have wasted the opportunity that I have with this group of students. I have so many really deep thinkers, and rather than help them go really deep, I short-changed them because I have been so focused on other things. But that is always the pull, right? I mean where do we draw the line between investing in the future and worrying about the kids in front of us now? I have spent a lot of time this semester and this year working on things for this class and the other gifted class and on top of that have been working through things related to our new building project (if that ever goes anywhere), trying to help a new team figure everything out, being in charge of the fundraising and the trip for the patrols, cooperative learning trainings, working with the preinterns in my room, and more, and have therefore not spent the time I should have on working through what I want to do for the students who I see every day. I have relied on my previous experience and knowledge and my own ability to think quickly on my feet to get me through it. I feel like I have done a huge disservice to these kids and I really hope and pray there isn’t any lasting damage.
Now back to curriculum, how am I really supposed to put this much time and effort into my curriculum? What I really mean by that is how am I supposed to do that and then also put that much time and effort into also differentiating it effectively for my gifted students? I feel like I have some pretty decent mechanisms for differentiation of curriculum in place, but these are more general and only focus on micro-differentiation, not really a well thought out process of differentiation within a unit. I think part of it that I don’t really do units in the same way as many other teachers. Very rarely do I have a unit that is less than six weeks. Reading through these texts, it seems like many people have “mini-units” that they teach. Also, I am REALLY bad at assessment. By this I mean formal, end of unit assessment. I am pretty good at on-going assessment and judging where my students are, but when it comes to follow through in the end, I am always lacking – except with these big units where we have a rubric. But then I struggle with assessment anyway. My big question at the end is “What do we do with this information?” What I mean is, we do this big project or we have some final grade – do we do anything with that to inform instruction? If not, why are we doing it? Is it merely to say, yes you can do it and no you can’t? Where do we take it from there? And what part do the kids play in creating how they are assessed? Or should they? Some of these bigger questions are the ones that haunt me and make me want to go back and just say never mind, I’ll just use the prepackaged stuff or do something else with my life. I am just very frustrated right now at where I am and what I am doing. I feel like I need someone to help me with direction. Even this reflection is frustrating because I feel like I am working into what my problem is but I don’t really have any clue where to start for a solution.
